Police officers show their support for Playboy

I love it when my phone pings and I have a message from my friend Emily. It's usually something funny enough to make me "LOL". Not today. I heard the "Ping!" but this was the message:

"What the actual fuck... Bunnies against breast cancer at Paddington Station. Basically a girl dressed up as a bunny girl holding a collection bucket and having her photo taken with men..."

No LOLs. Just grumpy muttering and swearing to myself as I started looking online to find out exactly what was going on in Paddington Station today. 

I'm 33 years old and I have breast cancer so I feel like I should be unreservedly championing Breast Cancer Awareness Month this October. But to be honest it's been doing my head in. I just don't see how making everything pink and saying it's for "breast cancer awareness" actually helps anyone. And, call me cynical, but I'm pretty sure all those companies selling pink versions of their products and donating "a portion" of the profits to breast cancer charities are making more money for themselves than they are for the charities. Please, don't bother buying that pink spatula because it's marketed as being for "breast cancer awareness". If you want to help, just donate some money directly to a breast cancer charity instead.

Anyway, on a scale of 1 (Minor Irritation) to 10 (Blood Boiling Fury), pink spatulas, pink colanders and pink frying pans register somewhere around a 2.

Police officers posing for photos in Paddington Station with women dressed as Playboy bunnies as part of Playboy Club London's #BunniesInPink for Breast Cancer Awareness Month on the other hand.... this registers much further up on my Scale of Annoyance.



(Images taken from the @PlayboyClubLDN Twitter feed)

I believe these men are British Transport Police. But if I'm wrong and the Metropolitan Police or any other police force would like to claim them as their own, please let me know and I will, of course, make a correction here.

These photos raise a couple of questions for me.

1. What's the real motive behind #BunniesInPink? Is it to raise awareness of breast cancer, raise money for the charity Against Breast Cancer, or promote Playboy Club London?

Although Playboy Club London are saying this is for Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I can't find any awareness raising of anything useful about breast cancer (like signs or symptoms) in amongst all the Bunnies In Pink stuff I've found, so it's not that.

The information on the Playboy Club London website starts by saying "the club will be raising funds for the essential charity Against Breast Cancer." So I guess I should shut up now, because anything that raises money for a breast cancer charity is a good thing, right? Wrong. I am firmly against the objectification of women, under all circumstances, because:

"It is long established that the overwhelming portrayal of women as sex objects in society plays a role in maintaining inequality between women and men. This has been recognised at the international level by the United Nations Convention to Eliminate Discrimination Against Women (CEDAW) which calls on States to take decisive action to tackle objectification – which it links to stereotypes and prejudices based on gender." - Object.

Of course I want charities to have the funding they need to do the important work they do. But I just don't believe that raising money for a charity justifies any activity that objectifies women. There are plenty of ways to fundraise without portraying women as nothing more than sex objects in the process.

In the same way that I think The Sun newspaper used "Page 3 vs Breast Cancer: Check 'em Tuesday" as a pathetic attempt to justify Page 3, I think that Playboy Club London is using a show of #BunniesInPink fundraising in order to promote their own club.

"...our Bunnies will be proudly supporting the fundamental work that Against Breast Cancer do by wearing pink attire for the whole of October. Have your picture taken with our Bunnies and show support for this cause by sharing your photograph with your friends on social media sites."

Seriously, putting a photo of yourself on Facebook with a Playboy Bunny isn't showing support for Against Breast Cancer. It's promoting Playboy.

2. Was it ok for these police officers to pose for photos with women dressed provocatively as pink Playboy bunnies?

Hmmm... no. I'm going to assume that as all three of these police officers are in uniform, they were on duty when these photos were taken. I will assume that they made a donation to Against Breast Cancer in order to have the photos taken, but that doesn't make it ok. They are police officers on duty in Paddington Station, and this isn't how they should be spending their time. They should be focused on what's going on around them, and be accessible and approachable to any members of the public that need help.

Now, to help make my point, let me think of an example of what they could have been doing in Paddington Station other than posing for photos with Playboy bunnies..... hmmmmm.... I know! How about patrolling the station to prevent sexual offences in line with the aims of Project Guardian. I learned this fact from the British Transport Police's own website.

According to the TfL safety and security survey, around 15% of females have experienced unwanted sexual behaviour on the network, with around 90% not reporting it to police.

This is awful, and why Project Guardian is so important. It "focuses on increasing awareness and confidence amongst the public to report unwanted sexual behaviour to the police or members of staff, particularly those offences which are often unreported, such as sexual touching, exposure, outraging public decency, lewd comments, leering and harassment."

I don't know for sure that these are British Transport Police officers - they might be Metropolitan Police - but either way, and regardless of the existence of Project Guardian, it makes no difference. They are police officers. And looking at the photos above actually raises a third question for me.

3. If I had been in Paddington Station today, and was the victim of sexual harassment, and the first police officers I found were these ones busy having their photos taken with Playboy bunnies, would I have felt like I could report it to them and be taken seriously?

No, I don't think so.

And now I realise that as well as annoying me, those photos have left me feeling pretty sad.

A letter to my body

A couple of weeks ago I went to a fantastic two day event organised by Breast Cancer Care for young women with breast cancer. Something that came up was the A letter to my body campaign. I decided to write my own. It's ended up embarrassingly cheesy and cringeworthy but I'll share it here anyway now I've written it. Maybe just have a sick bucket to hand....


Dear body

If I was writing to you a couple of months ago, this would have been a very different letter. I'd be giving you a massive bollocking for letting me down so horrendously. I'd barely noticed you, or acknowledged you until July 18th this year, but everything changed on that day. On July 18th, you made me mad. I was furious. How dare you fail me so completely. How dare you fill me with fear. How dare you ruin my life. I deserved better than you.

Over the last 12 weeks my feelings towards you have changed. You've amazed me. I do notice you now, and I want to acknowledge everything you do for me, and say thank you.

You're being injected with a cocktail of poisons every three weeks. It's targetting the cancer, but at the same time, it is viciously attacking the rest of you. Potential side effects of chemo range from nausea to, well, death. I didn't have any faith in you whatsoever. I wrote off a full 18 weeks of my life, assuming I'd be unable to do anything more than lie around watching mindless crap on the TV while you suffered through the assault of chemo.

I totally underestimated you! It's 7 weeks since that first blast of chemo and you've been continuously repairing any damage caused in such a speedy, no-nonsense way, that there are times I've not been sure that this isn't all just a bad dream. I am so incredibly proud of you. I know when you're having to work hard to do this, and I'm trying to be good at those times and rest so you can get on with it as quickly as possible. Because when you're well, I get to go out and enjoy my life, and appreciate you at your best. Like when you give me that warm, fuzzy feeling in my heart, or that tingly, excited feeling in my stomach, or when my legs ache from a run or my face aches from laughing. I love those feelings, and I wouldn't get them without you.

I know we've got some tough times ahead. But we are tough, and we'll just fight like mad with everything we've got. I know you'll be scarred at the end of this. But it will just be a reminder of a battle that we won. We are a team. We'll get rid of this bullshit cancer, and then have the best life ever.

xx

I realised what's been missing in my life

Oh heck. I started writing this yesterday, when I was feeling absolutely exhausted but otherwise good. 24 hours later and I've got a stinking cold. My throat is on fire and I'm all bunged up. Waaaaaaaaaah! I'm not even allowed any vitamin C drink (which I always neck loads of when I have a cold - I'm convinced it works) because of the sodding chemo. Waaaaaaaaaah! So all I'm armed with to beat this cold immediately (there are 3 more days before chemo #3 and I have plans for all of them) is some paracetamol and my stubborn determination.

This doesn't really change anything I wanted to say in this post, it just makes me even more sure of what's been missing in my life and that I need to make a very important change.

So, once again it's a Week Three. All hail Week Three, week of freedom to do anything! I  actually think everyone should celebrate Week Three, whether you're having chemo or not. It's much fun!

This Week Three technically began on Wednesday, although, as I love Week Three so much I actually started celebrating it three days in to Week Two. Yeah, yeah, I know, I know. Week Two is the one where your immune system is all pathetic and if you're sensible you keep away from people and places where you might pick up germs and end up with something like a cold. Ahem. But I was not going to miss running in the Big Fun Run or seeing very important friends.

Anyway! Wednesday evening I went to a work party. I have to say, I was shitting bricks beforehand because I'd decided to turn up with the wig on. I think only four close friends had seen me wearing it in real life up until this point so turning up (late) to a party that so many of my work colleagues and friends were at was pretty daunting. But the ongoing anxiety about losing my hair has been making me lose my mind so I'd decided it was about time I just got over it and made myself wear the wig out so that if/when I do lose all my hair, I'll feel ready for it. I knew this already, but it was 100% reinforced on Wednesday night - the people I work with are ace. I arrived feeling self conscious and stupid, and went home feeling relaxed and happy - and not just because I was a bit tipsy (thank you millions you lot xx).

Friday I went to Leeds for a Breast Cancer Care Younger Women Together event which took place over Friday and Saturday (today). It was two full days of group workshops, presentations and opportunities to talk to other young women with breast cancer and a range of experts on all sorts, including nutrition and diet, exercise and relaxation. There was a lot to take in, and I need some time to process it all so I will write about the content of it properly another time. But I wanted to say here that it has been incredibly informative, and inspiring. I am so grateful to Breast Cancer Care for organising it (we were put up in a hotel, fed well, and looked after by lovely staff and volunteers) The support Breast Cancer Care provide is invaluable.

Anyway, it was in my hotel room in Leeds yesterday afternoon that I realised my tiredness has reached a point that needs addressing. Deee-lite came on the radio. Obviously I turned the volume right up, but I simply didn't have the energy to get up and dance around the room. That's just not right! And it's just not me. Groove is definitely always in my heart, but there was no energy left in my body.

Excuse the dodgy mirror selfie but look at the bags under my eyes! Don't even need to zoom in to see them haha!

It was at this point that I realised what was missing from my life. Afternoon naps.

They got me through my earliest years, they got me through university. And now, starting tomorrow, I am going to reintroduce them in my life to help me get through chemotherapy.

Snoopy sums it up well:

So that's what I'm going to do :-)

What chemo is and what it's doing to me

First of all, how does chemotherapy work?

For anyone who doesn't know how chemotherapy works (I didn't really, up until recently) here's a summary. I've taken information from the Cancer Research UK website.

Your body is made up of billions of individual cells. Body tissues grow by increasing the number of cells that make them up. The cells reproduce themselves exactly. One cell doubles by dividing into two. Two cells become four and so on.

This happens very fast between conception and adulthood. But once we are grown up, most cells only reproduce in order to replace others that have died, for example through injury or illness. Some cells carry on reproducing. These include hair cells, cells in the gut and cells that make blood in the bone marrow.

Chemotherapy kills cells that are in the process of splitting into 2 new cells. Chemotherapy drugs circulate all round the body in the bloodstream. They can reach cancer cells almost anywhere in the body. Because cancer cells divide much more often than most normal cells, they are more likely to be killed by chemotherapy.

Some chemotherapy drugs kill dividing cells by damaging the part of the cell's control centre that makes it divide. Other drugs interrupt chemical processes involved in cell division. You may have a combination of different chemotherapy drugs. The combination will include chemotherapy drugs that damage cells at different stages in the process of cell division. So, with more than one type of drug, there is more chance of killing more cells. (I'm having two types of chemo - the first 3 or 4 blasts are a combination of 3 drugs (FEC), then I'll be having 3 or 4 blasts of a different drug (Taxotere).)

Chemotherapy causes side effects because it affects healthy body tissues where the cells are constantly growing and dividing. The skin, bone marrow, hair follicles and lining of the digestive system are examples of cells that are constantly growing and dividing. But, unlike cancer cells, normal cells can replace or repair the healthy cells that are damaged by chemotherapy. So the damage to healthy cells doesn't usually last. Most side effects disappear once your treatment is over, and some only happen during the days while you are actually having the drugs, for example, sickness.


What's the chemo been doing to me (so far)?
Today is Day 12 of my second cycle of FEC (and 33 days after my first blast of FEC).

Last Monday night, 5 days after Chemo #2 I indulged myself in a big moan about not feeling well and not feeling happy. My friends were quick to respond with bucket loads of kindness and sympathy. Some asked more about what it's like being ill from chemo - then I felt like a bit of a drama queen for moaning, because ultimately, I felt less ill than I do when I've got a cold. It's a weird kind of ill and the first time I've experienced anything like it. Aside from the sore scalp/follicles "complaining", I think this is a full list of the side effects I was experiencing at the time of my moan:

• I had swollen glands.
• I was aware my heart was beating. It wasn't pounding, it wasn't fluttering, it wasn't beating irregularly, it wasn't painful. I was just constantly aware that my heart was beating, when I'm not normally.
• I was aware my lungs were breathing. It wasn't painful, it wasn't laboured, I wasn't breathless. I was just constantly aware that I was breathing, when I'm not normally.
• I was aware of my whole body, because it was sore. I was trying to work out whether it was skin or muscle, but I've come to the conclusion it was my veins (your veins do suffer from transporting the poison that is chemo around your body).

The doctors advise you to listen to what your body is telling you. I felt like mine was telling me it was using all the energy it had to mend what the chemo had damaged, and to stay in bed and just let it get on with that. So I did. And after a few days, I felt better.

To date, I think I've been pretty lucky when it comes to chemo side effects. Through the YBCN (Younger Breast Cancer Network) I've made friends with and got to know a lot of women roughly my age who are going through chemo at the same time as me. I hear about the side effects they are dealing with and have been waiting for them all to hit me but so far I seem be one of those that is getting off lightly. In addition to what I mentioned above, I think this is my complete list of side effects to date:

• Some tiredness in the week after each chemo. There's also times I've felt a bit spaced out in the days after chemo but I think that's actually a side effect of the steroids, rather than the chemo itself.
• My hair has thinned a lot, and I am developing an attractive old man bald patch on top of my head. (My early nightmares were of me turning in to George Dawes or Gollum. I now know Friar Tuck is more likely.) It doesn't feel like it, but 33 days in to chemo, this is actually a bit of a cold cap success story. I'll soon be at the point where you'll definitely only see me in public with the wig on, but there's a good chance a load of my own hair will still be tucked away under there. Because if it stays as it is (too thinned out for me to be happy with it, but still plenty of hair there) then I am going to stick it out and not shave my head. It would mean as soon as chemo is done and hair starts growing again I will be able to get back to "normal" much more quickly. Filling out patchy bits enough for them to not be noticeable is much quicker than growing an entire new head of hair that's long enough to do anything with from scratch. Anyway, we'll see what happens (there's still plenty of time for another mass shedding leaving me with no option other than to go skinhead).
• After both chemos I have had some patches of rough gums for a few days. But they haven't been sore or anything. I just noticed they were a bit rough. Like after you've burned the roof of your mouth on pizza (without the pain).
• The gum above one tooth receded a bit after chemo #1 but so far doesn't seem to have gotten any worse.
• There was the extreme vomiting the night of chemo #1 but a different anti-sickness drug given to me for chemo #2 stopped that happening again. I just felt a but sick later on that night (so I went to bed, slept, and was fine the next day).
• I had one very minor nosebleed after chemo #1.
• One of the veins in my left arm is hard and sore. You can see it sticking up through my skin. Sore, hard veins in your hand/arm seems to affect everyone that has chemo. It's no wonder - the entire dose of chemo goes through them before spreading out to the rest of the body. But, while it's sore at the moment, I can't say it's a massive issue or intolerable.
• I'm absolutely going to blame any times where I have been an overreacting stresshead on the chemo too.

I think that's it. The massive bag of lotions, potions, and pills I bought in Boots remains intact. My card for free prescriptions remains unused.

I am hoping I'm now all set to be well until chemo #3 in ten days time (as long as I don't pick up any coughs or colds from anyone in that time). Fingers crossed!

Running on empty

The Breast Care Nurse who explained chemotherapy to me shortly after I was diagnosed did warn me that at this point in the chemo cycle (when I've no more pills to pop and I come down from the steroid high) I would be a misery guts for a few days. It didn't actually happen at this point during chemo #1 but it sure as hell is happening right on schedule now. I hope that means it goes away right on schedule too (when is that? I don't remember, let's hope tomorrow) but for now, I really just need a moan, I'm sorry.

Oh peeps, I feel bluuuuuuuue :-(

I hate cancer. I hate chemotherapy. It takes so much from you. And it hurts.

The vein in my left arm where I had the first chemo has started hurting again. It's hard, and it is sticking out of my arm. I could almost strum it like a guitar string.  Why has it done that? I thought it was better - it had been fine for the last week or two. Not any more.

The whole of my body is sore and I can't tell if it's my skin or my muscles. I keep checking myself to see if I have come out in bruises, that's how it feels. But no bruises. I hate that - when you're bruised, and you know you're bruised, but you don't have the visible bruise to prove it to everyone else. You'll have to take my word for it, I'm bruised all over.

I've got swollen glands and they hurt too. Apparently this is a sign that my body is trying to fight the damage the chemo has done. Good body. But I think it's having to fight pretty hard, and it's struggling today.

The top of my head hurts a lot ("that's your follicles complaining") and the whole hair-falling-out thing is mental torture. At what point do I give up? At what point would you give up? Because the hair loss isn't an event. It's a process, and one where you never quite know what's going on or what's going to happen next. At the moment, I have the dilemma of a parting that has widened to the point of "bald patch" on top of my head, with the rest of my hair having thinned out but still being actually ok. Currently suggests the cold cap kind of worked apart from missing a bit on top. If that's the case, do I soldier on with what is essentially a combover (currently do-able in terms of hiding the offending patch) and be patient for the bit I lost to grow back. Or is it just going to keep getting worse anyway in which case I may as well shave my head now? Completely bald, or hopefully hideable bald-patch? I can't make that call today because I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. I'm stuck.

I feel lonely, and I miss people. I know I need to rest, and I'm not stupid enough to ignore all the signs my body is giving me that that's what I need. I'm also about to go in to the "you're immune system is at it's lowest and if you so much as look at anyone who sneezes you'll end up in hospital" phase of the cycle. So I am behaving myself and staying cooped up indoors and resting. But I'm not happy about it. I'm lonely. I want to be out there, like you. I want your freedom.

And on top of this, it's been one of those days where I remember it's cancer, and I am really worried that I'm going to die. I don't want to die. I don't want to have cancer and I don't want to die. I know this is a pointless and unhelpful question but it's one that's been going round in my head today: What the fuck did I do to deserve this?

Bah.

Why can't The Sun newspaper raise awareness of breast cancer without Page 3 and topless models?

A bit of background

A few weeks ago I wrote an open letter to The Sun newspaper explaining why their Page 3 vs Breast Cancer: Check 'em Tuesday campaign upset me. You can read it here if you want. That blog post has had over 9,000 hits, and led to follow up articles on The Debrief, Buzzfeed and The Stir. I was blown away by the response, it was completely unexpected. But it was clear that I was far from alone in feeling the way I did, and on that day (the day before my first chemotherapy blast) the No More Page 3 campaign got over 1,000 more signatures on their petition. It was amazing! It felt like writing that blog post was a really positive thing to have done. A little something good to come out of my own breast cancer diagnosis.


Then this:

3 weeks later, just after my second blast of chemotherapy, I see this pop up in my Twitter feed.

 

 

I followed the link and this is what I read:

 

"Some of you yesterday forwarded an email you received from The Sun, or via other means, that had rendered you sad/angry/gobsmacked. This is the email...

'I'm looking for women who are happy to pose tastefully topless and speak about how often they check their breasts for lumps and bumps. The shoot will be taking place in London on Saturday, all expenses paid. Ideally they will be young-ish and are happy to be interviewed about their breast checking habits (ideally looking for women who check their breasts regularly or have just started doing so). They may have had breast cancer in the past or have relatives who have, or they could be BRCA positive. They may also be perfectly healthy.
With you, can you please email me asap with
Name of nearest station:
Dress size:
Shoe size:
Bra size:
Email address:
Mob number they'll have with them on the day:
Along with a little head shot (not for publication, just for reference).
And do pass this on to any other contacts of yours.
Thanks,
Matt"

 

Dylan Sharpe, Head of PR at The Sun newspaper responded to the No More Page 3 tweet above with:

 

 

 

Yes, Dylan, there is a problem.

 

Dylan's response left me speechless. But only temporarily. I have so many questions I would like him to answer about Check 'em Tuesday and about The Sun's approach to raising breast cancer awareness. I have put a few of my key questions below, and given my own answers, as I doubt I'll be getting a reply from Dylan. But obviously if Dylan does want to take the time to send me his own responses in writing, I'll be very keen to read and share.

 

1. What specifically is being gained in terms of raising breast cancer awareness by using topless models?

 

With regard to raising breast cancer awareness, nothing is gained by using topless models. Simple as that.

 

Breast Cancer Care don't need to use images of topless models to raise breast cancer awareness. Instead they provide the information women need to know to check their breasts and be aware of potential signs and what to do about them. The same applies to Cancer Research UK, Breast Cancer Campaign, Macmillan and the NHS (to name just a few). 

 

 

2. Is it appropriate to use sexualised images of women (as in Page 3 vs Breast Cancer - Check 'em Tuesday) as part of a campaign to raise breast cancer awareness?

 

No, it is not appropriate to use sexualised images of women as part of a campaign to raise breast cancer awareness. I am speaking here from first hand experience, as a 33 year old woman with breast cancer. Breast cancer awareness has nothing to do with sex, with being sexy, wanting to be sexy, being perceived as being sexy, having your boobs leered at by others etc. Breast cancer is a terrifying, life-threatening illness - which if caught early, can be very treatable. What women need is accessible information and guidance about how to check their breasts, what they should be looking out for, and what to do if they notice anything that  might be of concern. Sexualised images of topless women are inappropriate  (and completely pointless) in this context.

 

 

3. Was it appropriate to circulate that "journalistic call out" asking ideally "young-ish" women to "pose tastefully topless" for The Sun?

 

Nope. See answers to questions 1 and 2 above. And by the way, what is "young-ish" and why have you not asked for people's age and date of birth to ensure you are not following up on responses from girls who are under the age of 18?

 

 

4. How much thought has been put in to the content of the information that will accompany these "tastefully topless" images of ideally "young-ish women" to raise breast cancer awareness?

 

Judging by the call out, we could assume not a lot. Seems you're after any "young-ish" women that are prepared to pose "tastefully topless" - doesn't seem to really matter whether they are breast aware or not, have a family history or not, have had breast cancer previously or not, are perfectly healthy or not (!), have a BRCA mutation or not. As long as they are willing to pose topless and talk about whether or not they check for "lumps and bumps" - that's all that matters.

You do know there's more to raising awareness of breast cancer than discussion about checking for "lumps and bumps" right? You know there are other important signs that could present in the absence of any noticeable lumps or bumps, such as nipple changes?  Of course you do. The reality is that the respondents' knowledge and experiences of breast awareness and breast cancer are going to be much less relevant to your selection process than their head shot and bra size . It's obvious you just want some "real women" to pose topless for you in your increasingly desperate attempt to justify the existence of Page 3. See next question.

 

 

5. Exactly why won't The Sun try and raise breast cancer awareness without the use of topless models (Page 3 models or members of the general public)?

 

Because this is not about raising breast cancer awareness. This is about using breast cancer as a gimmick to try to justify the existence of Page 3. I'm sure I'm not the only one to be stunned by how low The Sun will go with this, so as with my original open letter to The Sun, I am going to end here by encouraging anyone who reads this who hasn't already to please sign the No More Page 3 petition, and share it with others. You'll be adding your name to over 200,000 others saying enough is enough.


PS. To any men reading this, take a few minutes to visit Breakthrough Breast Cancer and learn about the signs and symptoms of breast cancer in men. Breast cancer is much, much less common in men than in women, but does affect around 500 men in the UK every year. 

My second FECking chemo

The run up to my second blast of chemo, and the immediate chemo aftermath have been an improvement on the first. Hurrah! I didn't have the same levels of anxiety about chemo in the week leading up to it this time. I knew roughly what to expect, and my side effects had not been too bad after the first night, meaning I've not been toooo worried. Plus my oncologist had told me I could do whatever I wanted during the third week of the cycle so I made the most of it, and kept very busy.


Preparing for chemo #2

Friday night I went out and got drunk on Pina Coladas with some of my friends from work. I even got conned in to having a tequila when the "You only live once" line was thrown at me. I'm easily led. I was prevented from pulling my hair out in front of people, but my chemo side effects were used as an attempted alternative explanation to the red marks someone got all over the table ("That's not nail varnish, her over there on chemo had a nosebleed." !!!)

Saturday afternoon I was back to the pub to meet up with some local women who are also in the Younger Breast Cancer Network (YBCN). I had such a lovely afternoon, it is so inspirational to spend time with such amazing, strong, positive women. And I discovered that there is more to "drawing on eyebrows" than getting an eyeliner and literally drawing them on, which is what I was imagining, and dreading. No, there's a whole world of building eyebrows out of magic stuff, which stands up to very close inspection (I did peer at some from a distance of about 3cm and was completely blown away by how real they looked).

Sunday afternoon, for a change, was spent in a pub garden, with one of my loveliest friends and her gorgeous baby. We established that we are having some similar experiences going through chemo and having a young baby -  we are both not getting enough sleep, both have hormones all over the place, both spending too much time discussing bodily fluids, but both making ace new friends as a result.

Monday morning I went in to work, and then I took the afternoon as annual leave to meet up with Rebecca where we spent a good 7 hours over a few glasses of well-earned wine discussing... everything. And I won't be expanding on that here.

Tuesday morning before work I went to oncology where I was told that all was well. Had a day in the office, and then went out with my friend Amy for my last supper before chemo #2. When booking the table for dinner, Amy had told them I was celebrating finishing round 1 of chemo and ..... they brought us a bottle of Prosecco on the house! Seeing as Amy was driving, and my oncologist had told me I could do whatever I wanted during week three I did drink most of it! You only live once right?!

Chemo day

It is the worst day. There's no denying that. The thing I was most anxious about was passing out again (having nearly fainted again at the doctor's on Monday when the nurse struggled to get blood out of my chemo hardened vein. OUCH.) This time though, I didn't pass out. Well done me! And they gave me the real anti sickness meds this time. Well done them!

But oh my days. There's nothing like watching tubes of poison being injected in to you for an hour, while wearing a head freezer, which, put on extra tight this time, makes you want to rip your own head off. My first cold cap experience was fine - this one was not. I need to say a massive thank you to Emily here, who sat in a miserable hospital for about 4 hours, listening to me whinge and whine about the fucking cold cap. It was making me feel seriously ill, and I could not get out of that hospital and in to McDonalds quick enough (because as soon as it was off my head and we were out of the hospital I felt fine!).

The miracle anti sickness meds I was given this time did their job. I ended up fast asleep in an armchair by about 8pm feeling sick, but I never was sick. Vast, vast improvement on the first chemo.


Post chemo #2 - so far

Chemo was Wednesday, it's now Friday so it's only been two days but I have mostly been fine. Slept a lot. Lazed around a lot. I've turned down a curry out with friends tonight not because I couldn't, cos I bloody well could! But because my 5k charity race is next weekend and I want to do my best to avoid getting ill - particularly from picking up other people's disgusting germs - between now and then).

Now I just hope that the next few weeks are as kind to me as the last few weeks were.(And perhaps kinder on the hair front.) And if I remain well enough, I'm about to get mad about Page 3 again. More to follow.

Oh and one last thing because I don't think I can ever say it enough, thank you to every single one of my friends. You're all amazing, I am so lucky to know you. Once this is done, I'm throwing you a massive party. XO