Saturday, 27 September 2014

I realised what's been missing in my life

Oh heck. I started writing this yesterday, when I was feeling absolutely exhausted but otherwise good. 24 hours later and I've got a stinking cold. My throat is on fire and I'm all bunged up. Waaaaaaaaaah! I'm not even allowed any vitamin C drink (which I always neck loads of when I have a cold - I'm convinced it works) because of the sodding chemo. Waaaaaaaaaah! So all I'm armed with to beat this cold immediately (there are 3 more days before chemo #3 and I have plans for all of them) is some paracetamol and my stubborn determination.

This doesn't really change anything I wanted to say in this post, it just makes me even more sure of what's been missing in my life and that I need to make a very important change.

So, once again it's a Week Three. All hail Week Three, week of freedom to do anything! I  actually think everyone should celebrate Week Three, whether you're having chemo or not. It's much fun!

This Week Three technically began on Wednesday, although, as I love Week Three so much I actually started celebrating it three days in to Week Two. Yeah, yeah, I know, I know. Week Two is the one where your immune system is all pathetic and if you're sensible you keep away from people and places where you might pick up germs and end up with something like a cold. Ahem. But I was not going to miss running in the Big Fun Run or seeing very important friends.

Anyway! Wednesday evening I went to a work party. I have to say, I was shitting bricks beforehand because I'd decided to turn up with the wig on. I think only four close friends had seen me wearing it in real life up until this point so turning up (late) to a party that so many of my work colleagues and friends were at was pretty daunting. But the ongoing anxiety about losing my hair has been making me lose my mind so I'd decided it was about time I just got over it and made myself wear the wig out so that if/when I do lose all my hair, I'll feel ready for it. I knew this already, but it was 100% reinforced on Wednesday night - the people I work with are ace. I arrived feeling self conscious and stupid, and went home feeling relaxed and happy - and not just because I was a bit tipsy (thank you millions you lot xx).

Friday I went to Leeds for a Breast Cancer Care Younger Women Together event which took place over Friday and Saturday (today). It was two full days of group workshops, presentations and opportunities to talk to other young women with breast cancer and a range of experts on all sorts, including nutrition and diet, exercise and relaxation. There was a lot to take in, and I need some time to process it all so I will write about the content of it properly another time. But I wanted to say here that it has been incredibly informative, and inspiring. I am so grateful to Breast Cancer Care for organising it (we were put up in a hotel, fed well, and looked after by lovely staff and volunteers) The support Breast Cancer Care provide is invaluable.

Anyway, it was in my hotel room in Leeds yesterday afternoon that I realised my tiredness has reached a point that needs addressing. Deee-lite came on the radio. Obviously I turned the volume right up, but I simply didn't have the energy to get up and dance around the room. That's just not right! And it's just not me. Groove is definitely always in my heart, but there was no energy left in my body.

Excuse the dodgy mirror selfie but look at the bags under my eyes! Don't even need to zoom in to see them haha!

It was at this point that I realised what was missing from my life. Afternoon naps.

They got me through my earliest years, they got me through university. And now, starting tomorrow, I am going to reintroduce them in my life to help me get through chemotherapy.

Snoopy sums it up well:

So that's what I'm going to do :-)

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