I don't normally bother with new year resolutions but this year I've decided to give some a go. Why? Because I looked back at 2014 and felt glad to see the back of it. I was diagnosed with cancer in 2014. I'd also looked back on 2013 and felt glad to see the back of it. It was a year of probate hell. I'd also looked back on 2012 and felt glad to see the back of it. It was the year my mom died. And so it goes on... I realised that in my mind, recent years have been defined by the things that happened in them. All things that were out of my control: people I loved being ill and suffering, people I loved dying, people I loved losing jobs etc etc.
A year is a long time. I don't know what's going to happen in 2015, there will be plenty of things happen that I can't predict and can't control. I don't want 2015 to be defined by those things. I want 2015 to be defined by the way I respond to what happens, the choices I make, the ways I behave. So here are my three resolutions.
1. I won't be held back by fear. I'd rather fail than not try. This means I might reach the end of 2015 and look back on lots of personal failures! But at least I won't look back and wonder "what if?" Ultimately I think my fear of "what if?" has become my biggest fear.
2. I will be honest, and I will be true to myself. This means I'm putting myself in a vulnerable position, open, exposed, at risk of judgement, getting hurt. But it's the way I have to be, and I really think it's the right way to be.
3. I will seek out opportunities to be kind to other people every day. I've learned through experience myself this year how much difference a kind word or a kind thought can make. There are times I've been very low and just a little bit of kindness from other people has picked me up and got me through. Kindness doesn't take much but it does a lot.
So here's to 2015. I hope it's a happy one!